Brer Rabbit Fools Sis Cow

A Georgia Folktale retold by S. E. Schlosser

Now Brer Rabbit was skipping down the road one day heading for his home in the briar patch when he spotted Sis Cow grazing in the field. It was a mighty hot day and Brer Rabbit was thirsty. Some milk would be real fine on such a warm afternoon, but Sis Cow always refused to let Brer Rabbit milk her when he asked. So Brer Rabbit thought up a plan.

"Howdy Sis Cow," said Brer Rabbit, walking up to her in the field.

"Howdy yourself, Brer Rabbit," said Sis Cow. "How are your folks?"

"Fair to middling," said Brer Rabbit. "How is Brer Bull?"

"So-so," replied Sis Cow.

"I'm wondering if you could help me out," Brer Rabbit said to Sis Cow. "I'd like to get some persimmons down out of that tree, but it's too high for me to climb." He pointed over to a nearby persimmon tree.

"I ain't no good at climbing myself," said Sis Cow dubiously.

"I don't need for you to climb," said Brer Rabbit. "Just butt your head against the tree a few times, and the persimmons will all fall down."

Sis Cow considered this a moment, and then she agreed. Sis Cow backed up a bit and ran at the tree with her horns down. BANG! She butted the tree as hard as she could. But the persimmons were still green and none of them fell down. So Sis Cow backed up again and ran at the tree with her horns down. SMACK! She butted the tree as hard as she could. And her large horns got stuck in the tree. She pulled and tugged, but her horns were held fast.

"Help me out, Brer Rabbit," Sis Cow pleaded.

"I can't climb up that high," said Brer Rabbit. "But I'll run and fetch Brer Bull."

So saying, the rascally Brer Rabbit ran home to fetch his Missus and all of the kids. They brought a mighty big pail to the field and they milked the trapped Sis Cow until not a drop of milk was left. Sis Cow was pretty sore at Brer Rabbit. She kept pulling and tugging, but she couldn't get free.

"I'll come back tomorrow for more milk," Brer Rabbit said. "Seeing as you're probably stuck 'til daybreak."

Brer Rabbit and his family left the field with their big pail of milk, leaving Sis Cow trapped in the tree. Well, Sis Cow, she tugged and tugged, trying to free her horns from the tree. It took her near 'til morning, but finally she broke loose. Once she was free, she had a quick graze of the green grass to calm herself down. As she ate, she made a plan to revenge herself on Brer Rabbit for his nasty trick

As soon as it was daybreak, Sis Cow put her head down and stuck her horns back into the holes she had made in the tree, pretending she was still stuck. Now Brer Rabbit had come early to the field and had seen Sis Cow grazing as free as you please, so he knew she was up to something when she put her horns back in the tree. He decided to play along with her game for a while to see what she was up to.

Quick as a wink, Brer Rabbit went back down the road and came clippity-lippity, hippity-hoppity down the road, singing as loud as you please. "How are you feeling this morning, Sis Cow?" asked Brer Rabbit when he reached the field.

"Poorly, Brer Rabbit," said Sis Cow slyly. "I've been stuck here all night. But if you grab my tail, you can help pull me out."

Oh ho, thought Brer Rabbit to himself. She means to trample me. Aloud he said: "I'm a puny ol' man Sis Cow. If I pull your tail, I might get crushed. So this is as close to you as I'm going to get!"

Well, Sis Cow was furious that her plan hadn't work. She pulled her horns out of the tree lickety-split and started chasing that rascally Brer Rabbit down the road.

Brer Rabbit ran as fast as lightning. He reached the Briar Patch well ahead of Sis Cow and threw himself into the brambles. He watched Sis Cow sail passed his hiding spot. Then she stopped because her quarry had disappeared. She looked around, trying to locate him.

Brer Rabbit chuckled to himself. He folded back his long ears, made his eyes extra wide, and then peered out of a shady corner of the Briar Patch, pretending to be Brer Big Eyes. "What are you doing Sis Cow?" he asked in a high-pitched voice quite unlike his own.

"I'm looking for Brer Rabbit, Brer Big Eyes," said Sis Cow, who did not recognize the trickster rabbit in the dim light of dawn.

"He jest ran passed lickety-split," Brer Rabbit lied.

That was all Sis Cow needed to hear. She gave a bellow of rage, lowered her horns, and ran on down the road.

Brer Rabbit, he just laughed and laughed, rolling about among the briars. He had fooled Brer Fox and Brer Buzzard in the past, and now he had fooled Sis Cow. He was a real rascal, no mistake!

Humming happily to himself, Brer Rabbit went home to have a big drink of milk, courtesy of Sis Cow

Bakery Bear

A Tongue Twister Tale by S.E.Schlosser

Brenda was busy baking a batch of blueberry muffins in the kitchen of Butler's Bakery when the bell rang.

"Be with you in a bit," Brenda called, brushing her blond braid over her shoulder.

Brenda put the blueberry muffins into the oven and bustled into the store. A big brown bear stood with his paws on the counter.

"Grumph," said the big brown bear.

"Aaaaa!" said Brenda Butler.

Brenda ran out through the back door to get Bill Boyle, the policeman.

"Bill, there is a big brown bear in the bakery!" Brenda cried.

"A bear?" Bill asked.

Bill followed Brenda into the bakery. The bear was busy eating blintz's and a bunch of bagels. It looked at Bill Boyle and grunted bad-temperedly.

"Here bear. Nice bear," Bill said nervously.

The bear gave Bill a baleful grin. Bill backed away. The bear ambled toward Bill. Bill ran.

"Oh boy," Brenda babbled and fled from the store.

"I'd better call Barney," Bill told Brenda.

Barney Blake was the local dogcatcher for the town of Bradley. Barney drove up in his big blue van and hopped out.

"Where's the bear?" Barney asked Brenda.

"It's in the bakery," Brenda said.

Barney took a big net and went into the bakery. Brenda heard a bang. Grabbing a broom from the closet, Brenda rushed into the store. Barney was standing on a bench, waving his arms and yelling "Shoo!" at the bear. The bear was biting Barney's black boots hungrily.

Brenda beat the bear with the broom. "Back off, you big bully," Brenda shouted.

When the bear bit the broom, Barney jumped off the bench and ran out of the bakery. Brenda followed.

"What happened to your net?" asked Brenda breathlessly.

"The bear broke it," said Barney.

A wave off smoke came billowing out the back door of the bakery.

"My blueberry muffins are burning!" cried Brenda. She raced into the kitchen.

As Brenda removed the burnt blueberry muffins from the oven, the bear came into the kitchen.

"Shoo you bumbling brute," Brenda said to it. "You are bad for business. You made me burn my muffins."

Brenda threw a blueberry muffin at the bear. The bear ate the muffin and went back into the store.

"Is it gone?" asked Bill, as he and Barney came cautiously into the kitchen.

"The bear is in the store," said Brenda. "I have a plan."

Brenda sent Bill to get some honeycomb and had Barney back his van behind the bakery. Meanwhile, Brenda beat up a batch of buttermilk biscuits. Then she mixed the honey from the honeycomb into the batter. Soon, the kitchen was bursting with the smell of honey buttermilk biscuits.

The loud banging noises the bear was making in the bakery store ceased abruptly as the bear smelled the honey. Brenda carried the big batch of biscuits out to the van. Bill opened the back door. The breeze blew the smell of the honey-buttermilk biscuits into the bakery. The bear nudged open the swinging door of the bakery and ambled into the kitchen. He knocked over the big brown bowl and grumbled when he found no honey.

Then the bear sniffed his way out the back door. Brenda had placed the basket of biscuits at the back of Barney's van. The bear bounded up the ramp and Barney banged the door shut. Brenda and Bill cheered.

"I will take the bear back to the forest and let him out," said Barney.

While Barney and the bear drove away in the blue van, Brenda and Bill bustled back into the bakery to clean up.

The Brothers' Revenge

A Wisconsin Ghost Story

Retold by S.E. Schlosser

The blizzard was raging fiercely around them as the brothers stumbled down the long road.  they were miles from any farm, and knew they had to seek shelter or freeze to death.  So it was with  gratitude that the two brothers spotted a saloon and pushed their way through the door. 
Every eye in the room turned upon them, as the boys ordered coffee with the last of their money. As the bartender went to fetch the hot drink, most of the regulars returned to their conversations.  But one man continued to stare;  a massive butcher with a mop of red hair and a long red beard who was the worse for drink.

“You’re looking at me funny,” the butcher slurred, looming over the two boys.

“We weren’t looking at you,” said the older boy. “We were just warming ourselves by the fire.”

“Are you calling me a liar?” he shouted. Around the room crowd grinned; they loved a good fight. 

 “We didn’t say that,” said the older boy quickly, waving his hands and accidentally  striking the butcher on the arm. That did it. The butcher grabbed the boy by the collar. “No one hits me and gets away with it,” he roared and threw the boy headfirst into the huge fire raging in the hearth.
There was a moment of stunned silence in the saloon, and then the elder boy screamed in agony as the flames engulfed him from head to toe. The younger lad shouted in terror. The older boy stumbled out of the fireplace, as the little brother tried to beat out the fire with his small hands.
The butcher loomed above them, grinning sadistically as the flaming boy lost consciousness, his screams dying away.

“Your turn,” the butcher said to his brother. The younger boy gasped in fear and fled for his life out into the raging snow. The boy’s little frozen body was not found until the spring.

One evening, a decade after the death of the two young boys, a burly man with a long red beard came strolling down the road one taken by the brothers. The butcher had heard rumors of a ghost but had discarded them as so much poppycock and tavern talk.

As he meandered down the road, he became aware that a silence had fallen. In the odd silence, he heard the footsteps of a large animal. They walked when he walked and stopped when he stopped. Pulse pounding madly, the butcher turned. Behind him, large as an ox, stood a black dog with blazing blue eyes and sharp teeth. The butcher had seen those blue eyes once before, gazing at him from the face of a young boy trying to save his burning brother.

The black dog growled softly and took a step forward. The butcher whirled around to flee and found himself face to face with tall figure covered from head to toe in flames. The burning boy reached out toward the butcher with hands withered and blackened by fire. The butcher gave a terrified scream and fell, blood gushing from eyes and nose. He was dead before he hit the ground.  

      To this day, the black dog and the flaming figure still appeared in that vicinity to harass travelers and speed them on their way.

I Waited - Abigail

His name was Ian. He was 23, and I was 19. I was a sophomore in college just moving into my new apartment when I saw him. He made a habit of smoking on his balcony, which I didn't mind because I knew someday I was going to have enough courage to talk to him. I was so shy. One day I bought a pack of cigarettes, and started smoking, in hopes that he would talk to me- which soon after, he did. 

Everyday after that I stood outside his balcony to talk to him. I'm a decently shy person when it comes to men. I'm not awkward, but I'm often referred to as being quiet with an angel face. About 2 weeks into our balcony talks, he turns to go in his house, but before he could I stopped him and surprised myself when I asked,"When can I ask you on a date?" I suddenly got quiet and flustered, mainly because never in a millions years would I say that to any man, but all I could think was that this man must be worth it. He laughed and said,"Whenever you want," and walked into his house. I smiled and walked back to mine. 

However, when I did officially ask him, he told me he wasn't ready to date because he was engaged earlier that year and had to break it off due to their differences. I told him I understood, but he made a point of saying that just because he wasn't ready then didn't mean he wouldn't be ready later on, and to not give up. I didn't. 

At times, I became frustrated because all I wanted was one date with this man. I knew that I would love him, if he just gave me the chance. But I had to wait, because I new he was worth it, and good things come to those who wait. Three months went by, and I was slowly wearing him down with my charm, but he still came back with "patience is a virtue", and promised me that I would some day have that one date with him. 

I always felt bothersome, like maybe I should just take the hint that he doesn't want a girl like me. I waited six months. Still, everyday I was outside his balcony talking about nothing for hours. As much I tried not to give up, he was the one slowly wearing me down. I walked into my apartment one day and saw that my phone had a message on it from him. I'll always remember it, "I never felt like I was enough for anyone, but I know that I'm enough for you, and I'll never stop appreciating you for that." It was the best feeling in the world to read that.

We finally had a date set for our first date. It felt like the most important day of my life. I knew I was in love with him at that point, when one date meant the world to me. 

He worked about 45 minutes away from where we lived at a golf course. He knew the roads like the back of his hand. It was Wednesday and I noticed that his car wasn't out in front of his apartment, but I didn't think anything of it, until I got a call from his roommate saying I should meet him down in Lewiston, which was the city Ian worked in. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach something was wrong. On my way down, I had passed a terrible accident involving two semis and what I would find out later to be Ian's car. 

It was now Friday, two days after the accident, the day of our first date. My heart felt as if it was melting, it hurt so bad. But I sat outside his balcony and waited for him just like I had for 6 months. 

At his funeral, I had the pleasure of meeting his parents. When I told them who I was, his mom smiled and looked at his dad, and said, "This is her". She told me to wait while she grabbed something. It was a letter Ian had written to her 6 months earlier. It was a letter about me. The last line read, "Mom, I'm going to marry this girl." 

I waited 6 months for one date with a man that I never got, and I would do it a thousand times again if I had the chance.