Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Annabelle


This is the story of a Raggedy Ann doll named Annabelle.









Annabelle merupakan tumpuan kes yang terkenal paranormal.penyiasat Ed dan Lorraine Warren mengambil bahagian dalam pada awal tahun 1970 dan dibentangkan di buku Demonologist ini. Ia telah menyatakan bahawa ini adalah salah satu kes yang paling luar biasa daripada objek yang dimiliki dalam rekod.
Pada tahun 1970 seorang ibu membeli Raggedy Ann Doll antik dari kedai hobi. Anak patung itu adalah hadiah untuk Donna anak perempuannya pada hari jadinya. Donna, pada masa itu, adalah seorang pelajar di kolej, bersedia untuk lulus dengan ijazah kejururawatan beliau dan tinggal di sebuah pangsapuri kecil dengan Angie rakan sebilik beliau (seorang jururawat juga). Gembira dengan anak patung itu, Donna diletakkan di atas katil sebagai hiasan dan tidak memberikan pemikiran kedua sehingga beberapa hari kemudian. Dalam masa itu, kedua-dua Donna dan Angie menyedari bahawa terdapat muncul untuk menjadi sesuatu yang sangat pelik dan menyeramkan tentang anak patung itu. Anak patung itu nampaknya bergerak, pergerakan sendiri agak unnoticeable pada mulanya, seperti perubahan dalam kedudukan, tetapi sebagai masa berlalu pergerakan menjadi lebih ketara. Donna dan Angie akan pulang ke rumah untuk mencari anak patung di dalam bilik yang berbeza dari yang mereka telah meninggalkan ia. Kadang-kadang anak patung itu akan ditemui menyeberangi berkaki di sofa dengan tangan yang dilipat, masa yang lain ia ditemui tegak, berdiri di atas kaki, bersandar di kerusi di ruang makan. Beberapa kali Donna, meletakkan anak patung di sofa sebelum keluar bekerja, akan pulang ke rumah untuk mencari anak patung di belakang di dalam biliknya di atas katil dengan pintu ditutup.





short story about Annabelle
Satu malam Donna pulang ke rumah untuk mencari anak patung itu telah berpindah sekali lagi, kali ini ia berada di atas katilnya. Donna telah datang untuk mendapati bahawa ini adalah tipikal anak patung itu tetapi entah bagaimana dia tahu kali ini ia adalah berbeza, sesuatu yang tidak betul. Rasa takut datang lebih ketika dia diperiksa anak patung itu dan melihat apa yang kelihatan seperti titisan darah di belakang tangan dan dada itu. Seolah-olah, dari mana-mana, cecair merah telah muncul pada anak patung itu. Takut dan terdesak, Donna dan Angie memutuskan ia adalah masa untuk mendapatkan nasihat pakar.
Tidak tahu di mana untuk menghidupkan, mereka dihubungi sederhana dan rapat telah diadakan. Donna kemudian diperkenalkan kepada semangat Annabelle Higgins. Medium yang berkaitan kisah Annabelle kepada kedua-dua Donna dan Angie. Annabelle adalah seorang gadis muda yang tinggal di harta tanah sebelum pangsapuri telah dibina. Beliau adalah seorang gadis muda berusia tujuh tahun apabila badan tidak bermaya itu ditemui dalam bidang di mana kompleks apartmen sekarang berdiri. Semangat yang berkaitan dengan medium yang dia berasa selesa dengan Donna dan Angie dan mahu tinggal dengan mereka dengan bergerak ke anak patung itu. Rasa belas kasihan untuk Annabelle dan cerita Donna beliau memberi izin dia untuk menghalang anak patung itu dan kekal. Mereka segera mengetahui  bahawa Annabelle seolah-olah hidup.


Friday, August 16, 2013

Falling in Love Again - Final Chapter


Here's the final chapter guys... hope you enjoy.




"This is the truth Jess... trust me." Daniel was in tears. Scared to see Jessica's expressions, he turned away and started walking past her. "I know you'd be angry to know the truth, but I only followed my heart. Is it wrong? I mean I just did for the sake of humanity. I..."

"Why didn't you say this before?" Jessica asked ignoring what Daniel was saying. She pulled Daniel close to her... her eyes full of tears and disappointment. He could feel her pain, it made him uncomfortable. She held his hand so tight, it almost hurt him.

"Why didn't you tell me Dan? You knew I would understand your state of mind. I too love you goddammit! At least you should have tried talking to me!" Jessica was in tears. All her efforts to hold back the tears were in vain.

"I was scared to lose you. I thought you would never understand my intentions."

These words hit Jessica like a bullet! She couldn't believe that the person she loved couldn't predict her behavior. There were times when she would be annoyed with Daniel for petty things but she supported him whenever he needed.

"You didn't know whether I would mind it or not? We are together for two years now, Daniel. We used to meet daily. We know the smallest of things about each other! And now you say, you didn't know my reaction. I feel so let down Dan... You have really hurt me this time!"

Daniel said nothing. He understood that he should have made an effort to talk to her. An effort that could have saved both of them from this pain, from this fight!

"I am going home." Jessica picked her bag and turned around to leave.

Daniel held her tight in his arms. His face was close to hers. She too hugged him tightly, as if she never wanted him to leave. Stroking her hair, he apologized for his behavior one last time before they kissed. It was the most satisfying kiss they ever had, the one that restored trust... restored everything they had lost... most importantly it restored - Love.

  *************************************************************************+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Hope you have enjoyed the series. Planning to pen down a new series soon.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

mutiara ilmu makrifat

harini tade mood nak menaip .just copy and paste jea haha .sekadar share .

Kanjeng Nabi Khidir berhenti sejenak, lalu berkata “matahari berbeda dengan bulan, perbedaannya terdapat pada cahaya yang dipancarkannya. Sudahkah hidayah iman terasa dalam dirimu? Tauhid adalah pengetahuan penting untuk menyembah pada Allah, juga makrifat harus kita miliki untuk mengetahui kejelasan yang terlihat, ya ru’yat (melihat dengan mata telanjang) sebagai saksi adanya yang terlihat dengan nyata. Maka dari itu kita dalami sifat dari Allah, sifat Allah yang sesungguhnya, Yang Asli, asli dari  Allah. Sesungguhnya Allah itu, allah yang hidup. Segala afalnya (perbuatanya) adalah bersal dari Allah. Itulah yang demaksud dengan ru’yati. Kalau hidupmu senantiasa kamu gunakan ru’yat, maka itu namanya khairat (kebajikan hidup). Makrifat itu hanya ada di dunia. Jauhar awal khairat (mutiara awal kebajikan hidup), sudah berhasil kau dapatkan. Untuk itu secara tidak langsung sudah kamu sudah mendapatkan pengawasan kamil (penglihatan yang sempurna). Insan Kamil (manusia yang sempurna) berasal dari Dzatullah (Dzatnya Allah). Sesungguhnya ketentuan ghaib yang tersurat, adalah kehendak Dzat yang sebenarnya. Sifat Allah berasal dari Dzat Allah. Dinamakan Insan Kamil kalau mengetahui keberadaan Allah itu. Bilamana tidak tertulis namamu, di dalam nuked ghaib insan kamil, itu bukan berarti tidak tersurat. Ya, itulah yang dinamakan puji budi (usaha yang terpuji). Berusaha memperbaiki hidup, akan menjadikan kehidupan nyawamu semakin baik. Serta badannya, akan disebut badan Muhammad, yang mendapat kesempurnaan hidup”.
Syekh Malaya berkata lemah lembut, “mengapa sampai ada orang mati yang dimasukkan neraka? Mohon penjelasan yang sebenarnya”.


Kanjeng Nabi Khidir berkata dengan tersemyum manis, “Wahai Malaya! Maksudnya begini. Neraka jasmani juga berada di dalam dirimu sendiri, dan yang diperuntukkan bagi siapa saya yang belum mengenal dan meniru laku Nabiyullah. Hanya ruh yang tidak mati. Hidupnya ruh jasmani itu sama dengan sifat hewan, maka akan dimasukkan ke dalam neraka. Juga yang mengikuti bujuk rayu iblis, atau yang mengikuti nafsu yang merajalela seenaknya tanpa terkendali, tidak mengikuti petunjuk Gusti Allah SWT. Mengandalkan ilmu saja, tanpa memperdulikan sesama manusia keturunan Nabi Adam, itu disebut iman tadlot. Ketahuilah bahwa umat manusia itu termasuk badan jasmanimu. Pengetahuan tanpa guru itu, ibarat orang menyembah tanpa mengetahui yang disembah. Dapat menjadi kafir tanpa diketahui, karena yang disembah kayu dan batu, tidak mengerti apa hukumnya, itulah kafir yang bakal masuk neraka jahanam.
Adapun yang dimaksudkan Rud Idhafi adalah sesuatu yang kelak tetap kekal sampai akhir nanti kiamat dan tetap berbentuk ruh yang berasal dari ruh Allah. Yang dimaksud dengan cahaya adalah yang memancar terang serta tidak berwarna, yang senantiasa meserangi hati penuh kewaspadaan yang selalu mawas diri atau introspeksi mencari kekurangan diri sendiri serta mempersiapkan akhir kematian nanti. Merasa sebagai anak Adam yang harus mempertanggungjawabkan segala perbuatan. Ruh Idhafi seudah ada sebelum tercipta. Syirik itu dapat terjadi, tergantung saat menerima sesuatu yang ada, itulah yang disebutJauhar Ning. keenamnya jauhar awal. Jauhar awal adalah mutiara ibaratnya. Mutiara yang indah penghias raga agra nampak menarik. Mutiara akan tampak indah menawan. Bermula dari ibarat ketujuh, dikala mendengarkan sabda Allah, maka Ruh Idhafi akan menyesuaikan, yang terdapat di dalam Dzat Allah Yang Mutlak. Ruh serba psrah kepada Dzatullah, itullah yang dimaksudkan Ruh Idhafi. Jauhar awal itu pula, yang menimbulkanShalat Daim. Shalat Daim tidak perlu mengunakan air wudhu, untuk membersihkan khadas tidak disyaratkan. Itulah shalat batin yang sebenarnya, diperbolehkan makan tidur syahwat maupun buang kotoran. Demikianlah tadi cara shalat Daim. Perbuatan itu termasuk hal terpuji, yang sekaligus merupakan perwujudan syukur kepada Allah. Jauhar tadi bersatu padu menghilangkan sesuatu yang menutupi atau mempersulit mengetahui keberadaan Allah Yang Terpilih. Adanya itu menujukkan adanya Allah, yang mustahil kalau tidak berwujud sebelumnya.


Kehidupan itu seperti layar dengan wayangnya, sedang wayang itu tidak tahu warna dirinya. Akibat junub sudah bersatu erat tetap bersih badan jisimmu. Adapun Muhammad badan Allah. Nama Muhammad tidak pernah pisah dengan nama Allah. Bukakah hidayah itu perlu diyakini? Sebagai pengganti Allah? Dapat pula disebut utusan Allah. Nabi Muhammad juga termasuk badan mukmin atau orang yang beriman. Ruh mukmin identik pula dengan Ruh Idhafi dalam keyakinanmu. Disebut iman maksum, kalau sudah mendapat ketetapan sebagai panutan jati. Bukankah demikian itu pengetahuanmu? Kalau tidak hidup begitu, berarti itu sama dengan hewan yang tidak tahu adanya sesuatu di masa yang telah lewat. Kelak, karena tidak mengetahui ke-Islaman, maka matinya tersesat, kufur serta kafir badannya. Namun bagi yang telah mendapatkan pelajaran ini, segala permasalahan dipahamilebih seksama baru dikerjakan, Allah itu tidak berjumlah tiga. Yang menjadi suri tauladan adalah Nabi Muhammad. Bukankah sebenarnya orang kufur itu, mengingkari empat masalah prinsip. Di antaranya bingung karena tiada pedoman manusia yang dapat diteladani. Kekafiran mendekatkan pada kufur kafir. Fakhir dekat dengan kafir. Sebabnya karena kafir itu, buta dan tuli tidak mengerti tentang surga dan neraka. Fakhir tidak akan mendekatkan pada Tuhan. Tidak mungkin terwujud pendekatan ini, tidak menyembah dan memuji, karena kekafirannya. Seperti itulah kalau fakhir terhadap Dzatullah. Dan sesungguhnya Gusti Allah, mematikan kefakhiran manusia, kepastianny ada di tanga Allah semata-mata. Adapun wujud Dzatullah itu, tidak ada stu makhluk pun yang mengetahui kecuali Allah sendiri. Ruh Idhafi menimbulkan iman. Ruh Idhafi berasal dari Allah Yang Maha Esa, itulah yang disebut iman tauhid. Meyakini adanya Allah juga adanya Muhammad sebagai Rasulullah. Tauhid hidayah yang sudah ada padamu, menyatu dengan Tuhan Yang Terpilih. Menyatu dengan Gusti Allah, baik di dunia maupun di akhirat. Dan kamu harus menyatu bahwa Gusti Allah itu ada dalam dirimu. Ruh Idhafi ada di dalam dirimu. Makrifat itu sebutannya. Hidupnya disebut Syahadat, hidup tunggal didalam hidup. Sujud rukuk sebagai penghiasnya. Rukuk berarti dekat dengan Tuhan Pilihan. Penderitaan yang selalu menyertai menjelang ajal tidak akan terjadi padamu, jangan takut menghadapi sakaratil maut. Jangan ikut-ikutan takut menjelang pertemuanmu dengan Allah. Perasaan takut itulah yang disebut dengan sekarat.


Ruh Idhafi tidak akan mati. Hidup mati, mati hidup. Akuilah sedalam-dalamnya bahwa keberadaanmu itu, terjadi karena Allah itu hidup dan menghidupi dirimu, dan menghidupi segala yang hidup. Sastra Alif (huruf alif) harus dimintakan penjelasannya pada guru. Jabar jer-nya pun harus berani susah payah mendalaminya. Terlebih lagi poengetahuan tentang kafir dan syirik! Sesungguhnya semua itu, tidak dapat dijelaskan dengan tepat maksud sesungguhnya. Orang yang menjelaskan syariat itu berarti sudah mendapatkan anugrah sifat Gusti Allah. Sebagai sarana pengabdian hamba kepada Gusti Allah. Yang menjalankan shalat sesungguhnya raga. Raga yang shalat itu terdorong oleh adanya iman yang hidup pada diri orang yang menjalankannya. Seandainya nyawa tidak hidup, maka Lam Tamsyur (maka tidak akan menolong) semua perbuatan yang dijalankan. Secara yang tersurat, shalat itu adalah perbuatan dan kehendak orang yang menjalankan, namun sebenarnya Allah-lah yang berkehendak atas hambanya. Itulah hakikat dari Tuhan penciptanya. Ruh Idhafi berada di tangan orang mukmin. Semua ruh berada di tangan-Nya. Yaitu terdapat pada Ruh Idhafi. Ruh Idhafi adalah sifat jamal (sifat yang bagus atau indah) keindahan yang berasal Dzatullah. Ruh Idhafi nama sebuah tingkatan (maqom), yang tersimpan pada diri utusan Allah (Rasulullah). Syarat jisim lathif (jasad halus0 itu, harus tetap hidup dan tidak boleh mati.


Cahayanya berasal dari ruh itu, yang terus menerus meliputi jasad. Yang mengisayaratkan sifat jalal (sifat yang perkasa) dan sekaligus mengisyaratkat adanya sifat jamal (sifat keindahan). Jauhar awal mayit (mutiara awal kematian) itu, memberi isyarat hilangnya diri ini. Setelah semua menemui kematian di dunia, maka akan berganti hidup di akherat. Kurang lebih tiga hari perubahan hidup itu pasti terjadi. Asal mula manusia terlahir, dari adanya Ayah, Ibu serta Tuhan Yang Maha Pencipta. Satu kelahiran berasal dari tiga asal lahir. Ya, itulah isyarat dari tiga hari. Setelah dititipkan selama tujuh hari, maka dikembalikan kepada yang meninipkan (yang memberi amanat). Titipan itu harus seperti sedia kala. Bukankah tauhid itu sebagai srana untuk makrifat? Titipan yang ketiga puluh hari, itu juga termasuk juga titipan, yang ada hanya kemiripan  dengan yang tujuh hari. Kalau menangis mengeluarkan air mata karena menyesali sewaktu masih hidup. Seperti teringat semasa kehidupan itu berasal dari Nur. Yang mana cahayanya mewujudkan dirimu. Hal itulah yang menimbulkan kesedihan dan penyesalan yang berkepanjangan. Tak terkecuali siapun yang merasakan itu semua, sebagaimana kamu mati, saya merasa kehilangan.


Mati atau hilang bertepatan hari kematian yang keempat puluh hari. Bagaimanakah yang lebih tepat untuk melukiskan persamaan sesama makhluk hidup secara keseluruhannya? Allah dan Muhammad semuannya berjumlah satu. Seratuspun dapat dilukiskan seperti satu bentuk, seperti diibaratkan dengan adanya cahaya yang bersember dari cahaya Muhammad yang sesungguhnya. Sama hal pada saat kamu memohon sesuatu. Ruh jasad hilang di dalamnya, kehadirat Tuhan Yang Maha Pemberi. Tepat pada hari keseribu, tidak ada yang tertinggal. Kembalinya pada allah sudah dalam keaadaan yang sempurna. Sempurna seperti mula pertama dalam keadaan yang sempurna. Sempurna seperti mula pertama diciptakan”.
Syekh Malaya terang hatinya, mendengarkan pelajaran yang baru diterima dari gurunya Syekh Mahyuningrat Kanjeng Nabi Khidir. Syekh Malaya senang hatinya sehingga beliu belum mau keluar dari dalam tubuh Kanjeng Nabi Khidir. Syekh Malaya menghaturkan sembah, sambil berkata manis seperti gula madu. “Kalau begitu hamba tidak mau keluar dari raga dalam tuan. Lebih nyaman di sini saja yang bebas dari sengsara derita, tiada selera makan tidur, tidak merasa ngantuk dan lapar, tidak harus bersusah payah dan bebas dari rasa pegal dan nyeri. Yang terasa hanyalah rasa nikmat dan manfaat”. Kanjeng Nabi Khidir memperingatkan, “yang demikian tidak boleh kalau tanpa kematian”.
Kanjeng Nabi Khidir semakin iba kepada pemohon yang meruntuhkan hatinya. Kata Kanjeng nabi Khidir, “kalau begitu yang awas sajalah terhadap hambatan upaya. Jangan sampai kau kembali. Memohonlah yang benar dan waspada. Anggaplah kalau sudah kau kuasai, jangan hanya digunakan dengan dasar bila ingat saja, karena hal itu sebagai rahasia Allah. Tidak diperkenankan mengobrol kepada sesama manusia, kalau tanpa seizin-Nya! Sekiranya akan ada yang mempersolakan, memperbincangkan masalah ini! Jangan sampai terlanjur! Jangan sampai membanggakan diri! Jangan peduli terhadap gangguan, cobaan hidup! Tapi justru terimalah dengan sabar! Cobaan hidup yang menuju kematian, ditimbulkan akibat buah pikir. Bentuk yang sebenarnya ialah tersimpan rapat di dalam jagadmu! Hidup tanpa ada yang menghidupi kecuali Allah saja. Tiada antara lamanya tentang adanya itu. Bukankah sudah berada di tubuh? Sungguh, bersama lainnya selalu ada dengan kau! Tak mungkin terpisahkan! Kemudian tidak pernah memberitahunakan darimana asalnya dulu. Yang menyatu dalam gerak perputaran bawana. Bukankah berita sebenarnya sudah ada padamu? Cara mendengarnya adalah denga ruh sejati, tidak menggunakan telinga. Cara melatihnya, juga tanpa dengan mata. Adpun telingannya, matanya yang diberikan oleh allah. Ada padamu itu. Secara batinnya ada pada sukma itu sendiri. Memang demikianlah penerapannya. Ibarat seperti batang pohon yang dibakar, pasti ada asap apinya, menyatu dengan batang pohonnya. Ibarat air dengan alunnya. Seperti minyak dengan susu, tubuhnya dikuasai gerak dan kata hati. Demikian pun dengan Hyang Sukma, sekiranya kita mengetahui wajah hamba Tuhan dan sukma yang kita kehendaki ada, diberitahu akan tempatnya seperti wayang ragamu itu. Karena datanglah segala gerak wayang. Sedangkan panggungnya jagd. Bentuk wayang adalah sebagai bentuk badan atau raga. Bergerak bila digerakkan. Segala-galanya tanpa kelihatan jelas, perbuatan dengan ucapan. Yang berhak menentukan semuanya, tidak tampak wajahnya. Kehendak justru tanpa wujud dalam bentuknya. Karena sudah ada pada dirimu. Permisalan yang jelas ketika berhias.


Yang berkaca itu Hyang Sukma, adapun bayangan dalam kaca itu ialah dia yang bernama manusia sesungguhnya, terbentuk di dalam kaca. Lebih besar lagi pengetahuan tentang kematian ini dibandingkan dengan kesirnaan jagad raya, karena lebih lembutseperti lembunya air. Bukankah lebih lembut kematian manusia ini? Artinya lembut kesirnaan manusia? Artinya lebih dari, karena menentukan segalanya. Sekali lagi artinya lembut ialah sangat kecilnya. Dapat mengenai yang kasar dan yang kecil. Mencakup semua yang merangkak, melata tiada bedanya, benar-benar serba lebih. Lebih pula dalam menerima perintah dan tidak boleh mengandalkan pada ajaran dan pengetahuan. Karena itu bersungguh-sungguhlah menguasainya. Pahamilah liku-liku solah tingkah kehidupan manusia! Ajaran itu sebagai ibarat benih sedangkan yang diajari ibarat lahan.
Misal kacang dan kedelai. Yang disebar di atas batu. Kalau batunya tanpa tanah pada saat kehujanan dan kepanasan, pasti tidak tidak akan tumbuh. Tapi bila kau bijaksana, melihatmu musnahkanlah pada matamu! Jadikanlah penglihatanmu sukma dan rasa. Demikian pula wujudmu, suaramu. Serahkan kembali kepada yang Empunya suara! Justru kau hanya mengakui saja sebagai pemiliknya. Sebenarnya hanya mengatasnamai saja. Maka dari itu kau jangan memiliki kebiasaan yang menyimpang, kecuali hanya kepada Hyang Agung. Dengan demikian kau Hangraga Sukma. Yaitu kata hatimu sudah bulat menyatu dengan kawula Gusti. Bicarakanlah manurut pendapatmu! Bila pendapatmu benar-benar meyakinkan, bila masih merasakan sakit dan was-was, berarti kejangkitan bimbang yang sebenarnya. Bila sudah menyatu dalam satu wujud. Apa kata hatimu dan apa yang kau rasakan. Apa yang kau pikir terwujud ada. Yang kau cita-citakan tercapai. Berarti sudah benar untukmu. Sebagai upah atas kesanggupanmu sebagai khalifah di dunia. Bila sudah memahami dan menguasai amalan dan ilmu ini, hendaknya semakin cermat dan teliti atas berbagai masalah.
Masalah itu satu tempat dengan pengaruhnya. Sebagai ibaratnya sekejap pun tak boleh lupa. Lahiriah kau landasilah dengan pengetahuan empat hal. Semuanya tanggapilah secara sama. Sedangkan kelimanya adalah dapat tersimpan dengan baik, berguna dimana saja! Artinya mati di dalam hidup. Atau sama dengan hidup di dalam mati. Ialah hidup abadi. Yang mati itu nafsunya. Lahiriah badan yang menjalani mati. Tertimpa pada jasad yang sebenarnya. Kenyataannya satu wujud. Raga sukma, sukma muksa. Jelasnya mengalami kematian! Syekh Malaya, terimalah hal ini sebagai ajaranku dengan senang hatimu! Anugrah berupa wahyu akan datang kepadamu. Seperti bulan yang diterangi cahaya temaram. Bukankah turnya wahyu meninggalkan kotoran? Bersih bening, hilang kotorannya”.
Kemudian Kanjeng Nabi Khidir berkata dengan lembut dan tersenyum. “Tak ada yang dituju, semua sudah tercakup haknya. Tidak ada yang diharapkan dengan keprawiraan, kesaktian semuanya sudah berlalu. Toh semuanya itu alat peperangan”. Habislah sudah wejangan Kanjeng Nabi Khidir. Syekh Malaya merasa sungkan sekali di dalam hati. Mawas diri ke dalam dirinya sendiri. Kehendak hati rasanya sudah mendapat petunjuk yang cukup. Rasa batinya menjelajah jagad raya tanpa sayap. Keseluruh jagad raya, jasadnya sudah terkendali. Menguasai hakekat semua ilmu. Misalnya bunga yang masih lam kuncup, sekarang sudah mekar berkembang dan baunya semerbak mewangi. Karena sudah mendapat san Pancaretna, kemudian Sunan Kalijaga disuruh kelura dari raga Kanjeng Nabi Khidir kembali ke alamnya semula”.
Lalu Kanjeng Nabi Khidir berkata, “He, Malaya. Kau sudah diterima Hyang Sukma. Berhasil menyebarkan aroma Kasturi yang sebenarnya. Dan rasa yang memanaskan hatimu pun lenyap. Sudah menjelajahi seluruh permukaan bumi. Artinya godaan hati ialah rasa qonaah yang semakin dimantapkan. Ibarat memakai pakaian sutra yang indah. Selalu mawas diri. Semua tingkah laku yang halus. Diserapkan kedalam jiwa, dirawat seperti emas. Dihiasi dengan keselamatan, dan dipajang seperti permata, agar mengetahui akan kemauan berbagai tingkah laku manusia. Perhaluslah budi pekermu atau akhlak ini! Warna hati kita yang sedang mekar baik, sering dinamakan Kasturi Jati. Sebagai pertanda bahwa kita tidak mudah goyah, terhadap gerak-gerik, sikap hati yang ingin menggapai sesuatu tanpa ilmu, ingin mendalami tentang ruh itu justru keliru. Lagi pula secara penataan, kita itu ibaratnya busana yang dipakai sebagai kerudung. Sedangkan yang ikat kepala sebagai sarungmu. Kemudian terlibat ingatan ketika dulu. Ibarat mendalami mati ketika berada di dalam rongga ragaku.


Tampak oleh Sunan Kalijaga cahaya. Yang warnanya merah dan kuning itu, sebagai hambatan yang menghadang agar gagal usaha atauu ikhtiar atau cita-citanya. Dan yang putih di tengah itulah yang sebenarnya harus diikuti. Kelimanya harus tetap diwaspadai. Kuasailah seketika jangan sampai lupa! Bisa dipercaya sifatnya. Berkat kesediaanku berbuat sebagai penyekat. Untuk alat pembebas sifat berbangga diri. Yang selalu didambakan siang dan malam. Bukankah aku banyak sekali melekat atau mengetahui caranya pemuka agama yang ternyata salah dalam penafsiran. Dan penyampaian keterangannya? Anggapannya sudah benar. Tak tahunya malah mematikan pengertian yang benar. Akibatnya terperosok dalam penerapannya. Ada pemuka agama yang ibaratnya menjadi murung. Ia hanya sekedar mencari tempat bertengger saja. Yaitu pada batang kayu yang baik rimbun, lebat buahnya, kuat batangnya. Untuk kemuliaan hidup baru. Ada orang yang berkedudukan, ada yang ikut orang kaya. Akhirnya di masyarakatkan. Ibaratnya seperti sekedar memperoleh kemuliaan sepele. Jadinya tersesat-sesat. Ada pula yang justru memiliki jalan terpaksa.
Menumpuk kekayaan harta dan istri banyak. Ada pula yang memilih jalan menguasai putranya. Putra yang bakal menguasai hak asasi orang per orang. Semuanya ingin mendapatkan yang serba lebih di dalam memiliki jalan mereka. Kalau demikian halnya, menurut pendapatku, belumlah mereka disebut pemuka agama yang berserah diri sepenuhnya kepada Allah, tapi masih berkeinginan pribadi atau berambisi. Agar semua itu menjunjung harkat dan martabat. Tatanan yang tidak pasti, belum bisa disebut manusia utama. Yang demikian itu menurut anggapannya dan perasaannya mendapatkan kebahagiaan, kekayaan dan mengerti hak yang benar. Bila kemudian tertimpa kedudukan, terlanjur terbiasa. Memilih jalan sembarang tempat, tanpa mengahasilkan jerih payahnya dan tanpa hasil. Dalam arti mengalami kegagalan total. Setidak-tidaknya menimbulkan kecurigaan. Apa kebiasaan ketika hidup didunia. Ketika menghadapi datangnya maut, disitulah biasanya tidak kuat menerima ajal. Merasa berat meninggalkan kehidupan dunia yang tersangkal lagi. Pokoknya masih lekat sekali pada kehidupan duniawi. Begitulah beratnya amencari kemuliaan. Tidak boleh lagi merasa terlekat kepada anak-istri. Pada saat-saat menghadap ajatnya. Bila salah menjawab pertanyaannya bumi, lebih baik jangan jadi manusia! Kalau matinya tanpa pertanggungjawaban. Bila kau sudah merasa hatimu benar. Akan hidup abadi tanpa hisab. Akibatnya, tubuh bumi itu keterdiamannya tidak membantu. Kesepiannya tidak mencair. Tidak mempedulikan pembicaraan orang lain yang ditujukan kepadanya. Yaitu bagaimana hilang dan mati bersama raganya ialah diidamkannya. Sehingga mempertinggi semedinya, untuk mengejar keberhasilan. Tapi sayang tanpa petunjuk Allah, apalagi hanya semedi semata. Tidak disertai dukungan ilmu.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Falling in Love Again -PART 6AND7



Days passed without Daniel, until spring arrived. Considered to be the season for renewal and rebirth, it brought a new ray of hope for Jessica.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
As days were passing by, Jessica's anxiety was also increasing. She was not able to concentrate on her work. Without Daniel, she had no life.

Returning from work, Jessica had stopped at a grocery store to buy some stuff. As she was approaching the chocolate section, she saw someone familiar. It was almost 7 in the evening and the store was crowded. By the time Jessica could even move, the person had already left the store.

Leaving all the things she brought in the cart, she tried to run behind the person. But the person soon disappeared. But Jessica had a smile on her face.

"Hey Jessica... how come you are here at this time of the day?" Mary was shocked to see Jessica at her office reception.

"Mary, can you get a half day leave? We need to go somewhere. Come fast. I am waiting for you in the car," Jessica didn't even bother to wait for Mary's answer.

"Are you out of your mind? I could get fired for doing this!" Mary was adjusting the seat belt. "Now tell me. Where are we going? And hey you look happy today!"

"Yes Mary... You will not believe whom I saw today at the store."

"Whom? Daniel?"

"Yes. I finally saw him. He is back in New York. He is back Mary," Jessica's happiness knew no bounds.

"What?" Mary almost jumped on her seat. "Are you serious? Did you talk to him? What did he say? Is he fine?" Mary's questions were endless.

"Mary... Mary... Wait. I said, I saw him. But by the time I came out of the store, he disappeared."

"Then where are we going now?"

"To his apartment. We should get some clue from there."

"Oh... James Bond and all. Way to go dear. I am ready," Mary was super excited with the idea of searching for clues.

In no time, they were in the apartment. And were already searching for some clues.

"The place is still smelly... I don't think Danny lives here anymore," Mary had already reached a conclusion.

"But there should be something here. Some kinda clue... something," Jessica was trying her best not to be disappointed.

"I think we are wasting our time here. Instead, we should go and try to search for him somewhere else."

Mary and Jessica left the house, disappointed.

"If he is back in town, why is he not contacting you? Jessica, now even I fear he is two-timing you." Mary and Jessica had returned to their house.

"NO... May be not... You told me he is not. What is making you think this way now?" Jessica couldn't believe Mary was saying this.

"So, do you have a better explanation as to why he is not contacting you?" Mary was almost sure that Daniel was involved with some other girl.

"No... I don't have." Jessica had no argument left.

"Okay, leave it. We will talk about it later. Now... let's go out for dinner. There is nothing in the house to eat."

"Fine... Gimme five minutes. I will get dressed."

They reached the restaurant, but they hadn't talked to each other during the entire drive. They were so lost in their thoughts, that they didn't even order food. Finally, all chaos in the restaurant interrupted their thoughts and they ordered dinner.

"Maybe we can find out something from his office. We should go there as well." Jessica was in no mood to give up.

"Okay... let's go."

After finishing the dinner, they hurried to the parking lot and drove to reach Daniel's office.

"No Ma'am. Daniel has not been to the office. In fact he has resigned from the job." The security guard seemed pretty sure.

"Resigned? Are you sure?" Jessica was finding it difficult to come to terms with it.

"Yes... He has," saying this the guard left.

"Where can I find him then? Where are you Dan?" Jessica started crying.

"Let's go home dear..." Mary took the keys as she was aware that Jessica was not in a state to drive.

As soon as they reached home, they were shocked to see Ryan.

"Hey girls, I have been waiting for you since an hour."

"Ryan... Is that you? Tell me where Daniel is?" Jessica was taking big steps to reach him fast.

"I don't know too. But I found this today and so thought of meeting you," he said handing a medical bill.

"Daniel made the payment for the medical expenses. But there was some credit card issue because of which the bank guy came to the office. As Daniel has resigned from the office, the bill was given to me. I am worried Jessica. There is something wrong." Ryan handed the card of the bank officer as well.

Jessica stood there motionless. She was confused, angry and scared. All the same time. More importantly, she was worried. Worried for Daniel.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

part 7


It was almost a week since Jessica had seen Daniel at the store, and since then there was no clue of where he was. For these past seven days, Jessica used to visit the store almost daily in the hope of finding Daniel.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Jessica's POV

But luck was definitely on her side. It was Sunday and she came to the church. It wasn't the same church that she visited quite often. She used to generally visit this place when she sought peace. She was disturbed... and desperately needed a place where she could spend some time with herself.

After the morning prayer, she was walking towards the parking lot. Not too many people had turned up for the morning prayer that day. Not too many cars in the parking either...

She had spotted her car and was walking towards it. Suddenly she stopped... There was a smile on her face... She turned back... It was Daniel's car.

Her happiness knew no bounds. She ran towards the car... and started checking if Dan was inside. She checked from the front side, the rear side... was peeping through the windows, when suddenly, "What do you think, you are doing young lady? Get off my car," an elderly women shouted from behind.

"I... I was trying to see if there was someone in the car. By the way, who are you? And this is not yours!" Jessica started walking towards the lady.

She stopped all of a sudden... someone was holding her hand from behind. She knew this touch. She started getting goosebumps. She knew who it was... Daniel.

"Dan... Dan... you are back," she was murmuring while turning back.

There he was! Her Daniel. Finally he was in front of her eyes. She could touch him, see him! He took her in his arms and she started crying... So did he.

"Susane, you take the car. I will stay back," Daniel handed the keys of the car to the old lady. He was still holding Jessica. They could not let each other go. Not now at least, after staying away from each other for almost a month, they wanted to feel each other.

After a while, Jessica realized she needed answers. She pushed Daniel away. Her eyes were full of questions. He could see them, for sure.

"Jess... Let me explain. I can tell you what had happened. Let's sit somewhere and talk," he held her hand and was about to kiss it, when she withdrew it. She needed answers to all her questions. They found an isolated place in the parking. 

The mystery behind Daniel's disappearance was about to be solved!

"Jess... whatever I will tell you, please listen to it till the very end. Please..."

"I am all ears. Tell me fast, what had happened?"

********************************************************************************

Daniel's POV

The evening we were supposed to meet, I wasn't in town. Ever since I returned from my tour, I was at Linda's place. I hope you remember Linda, my ex. It was by chance that I bumped into her at the airport. She had come there to receive her mother Susan. Yes... the same Susan you met in the parking. I happened to be in the same flight! 

While walking towards the luggage area, I spotted Linda. She was not looking herself. I could have ignored her, if she wouldn't have come to me and talked. She greeted me and introduced me to her mother. As she was about to leave, she started feeling a bit giddy, so I had to offer to drop them at their residence. Linda slept in the car and I started talking with her mother.

"May God reduce the pain, she is going through. I can't see my daughter like this. I wish, she will be fine soon!" Susan could hardly hold back her tears.

"What's wrong with her? Is she unwell for a long time?"

"You don't know? Linda is suffering from cancer. She is undergoing chemotherapy. The sessions are sometimes so intense that it drains out the little energy she has. She didn't even tell me. I came to know of it, the last month. Since then I am with her. I went to get a second opinion on her treatment. But doctors said there are very little chances of recovery."

By that time, we had reached Linda's house. I made her sleep in her bed and returned back to her mother. It was then that I came to know that Linda had left her job. She had no money left for her treatment. That was the reason for the worried look on her mother's face.

Linda had always been a self-made person. She never asked for help from anyone, leave alone from me. I decided to stay back for sometime. It was then I messaged you. But was afraid to tell you the truth. Never knew how you would react after knowing this.

I decided to help them sort out the finances. Me and Susan were looking for alternative sources of arranging finances. When nothing seemed to work, I decided to offer help. I didn't know what made me think that way. But yes... I did help. But my work was getting affected. My boss asked me to resign as I hadn't informed him. Rather I wasn't even in touch with him. You can say, I was fired!

Meanwhile, Linda was recovering. She started to feel energetic. Even the doctors started to feel that she could be cured. It was then that I decided to return... To you... I wanted to tell all of this to you. I wanted to apologize.

But fate had other plans. The night I returned back to NY and was driving back home, I received a call from Susan. She informed me that Linda was admitted to the hospital. Her health was deteriorating. I was left with no choice but to drive back. I called Ryan on my way and handed him the letter that I wrote for you. He didn't question me, as he had no clue what was going on.

When I reached Linda's place, I found out that Linda was on the death bed. She wanted me to be with her in her last days. Jess don't get me wrong, but even I wanted to be by her side, too. I wanted to be with her during her last journey. I was happy to see her happy. She seemed to be satisfied. She seemed as if she had come to terms with her condition. Every morning she wanted to see me; when she got up she wanted me feed her lunch, be by her side when she slept. She wanted me to... just be there...

But couple of days back, her condition was really bad. The doctors had given up hope. And last night, she breathed her last. That's why I and Susane were at the church. Susane is left all alone. She is about to fly back to her place in Florida, today in the evening.

This is the truth Jess... I didn't love her then neither do I love her now. There is no one I love but you! But I couldn't gain enough courage to tell you all this. You knew Linda was my ex. You knew she was in my life before you. But I never loved her or for a matter-of-fact anyone, the way I love you. I just didn't want to lose you. That's it. That's why I hid the truth..

Friday, August 9, 2013

'Karma'

The Indian term 'karma' refers to the theory of 'cause and effect'. It is a theory that answers any question on the sudden surprises that life throws up every now and then. Or...is there another explanation?...

All of us think back in time and try to find clues to certain unexplainable developments in our life. While some of us have a scientific approach to all we do or believe in, many leave it up to the gods. And then, there is always poor 'destiny' to blame it upon! However, after understanding the concept of karma and the western translation of 'what goes around comes around', the similarity in scientific explanations and this law is so uncanny. 

Newton's Third Law of Motion states: EVERY ACTION HAS AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION. The religious texts say (with varying examples and phrases): Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Is this where the two worlds collide? And...merge? I hope so.

It is so easy to understand that all your interactions in life and circumstances, are the result of behavior or action. If I am rude, how on earth can I expect people around me to drip honey when interacting with me? If I am sarcastic...how can I earn a friendship? It is so simple. The world is a reflection of yourself. For that matter...think about E = mc2! 

Einstein himself declared that only about 10 people in the whole world actually understood the meaning of the formula! His explanation was that the five minutes spent in the company of a lover and those on a burning stove were same in quantum, but differed in quality. Why? Well, common sense reveals that while one is a pleasant interaction the other is not. It is the fire, heat and reaction to the stove that makes those five minutes unbearable. 

Think about it....

The Law of Karma dictates that you will only get what you dole out. We see this unfold everyday of our lives and yet ask: "Why me?". It takes a little introspection and a complete turn around to MAKE TODAY THE BEST, SO THAT TOMORROW WILL HAVE BETTER MEMORIES OF YESTERDAY!. And whether we like it or not, it is the truth. 

Our daily home and work environment is full of examples to teach us the importance of welcoming change. The scope to do so, every living day, is so wide and readily available. All it takes is a little determination and a lot of grit. But, aren't we genetically designed to display these two personality assets? A look at world history or the current environmental issues we are battling amply help to realize the 'cause and effect' melodrama unfolding by the minute. And science agrees. 

Change is a sign of life. We do so by the second. What a happier planet this would be if only we apply reasoning and send positive vibrations all around. 

The causal cycle of life is at hand 
To be lived and ironed out straight
Lets spread peace through the land 
Before it gets dark and a little too late.... 

You are the master of your life 
Do good, and receive the best
Why invite hardship and strife
When you can sail through the test.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Falling in Love Again - PART 4 and 5





PART 4 : I begin to hate myself when you lie to me. It makes me feel I could not gain your trust, as you could not tell me the truth!


"Don't leave me... please Dan. Don't do this. I promise I will not ask you any more questions. I can't live without you." Jessica was pleading Dan not to leave her.

"You have hurt me Jess... you surely have. And I can't forgive you for this. You should be punished for your deeds. I am leaving. Don't you dare try getting in touch with me!" Daniel left the room.

Jessica was left crying... all alone in the room.

"Jessica... Jessica... Hey dear, get up," Mary was calling out to Jessica.

"What... Where's Dan?" Jessica was still crying. "Mary, please don't let Dan go. Please ask him to wait. Please..."

"Jessica... dear get up. You were having a bad dream. It's just a dream. And please stop crying." Mary handed a glass of water to Jessica.

"I was dreaming? It was a nightmare. I saw Dan and I had this huge fight over the restaurant issue and he decided to call off our relation and he just left!" Jessica almost choked.

"Relax. It is all a dream. Nothing of this sort is gonna happen. You both are made for each other. He loves you too much to leave you Jessica. Relax. Take it easy."

"But then why is he doing this Mary? Why is he not telling me the truth?" Jessica started crying again. "He knows that I love him a lot. We have almost shared everything since our college. Our little secrets, our joys, our sorrows, even our crushes. Then why is he is behaving in this manner?"

"Maybe there really is nothing to explain. Maybe he was really busy! Else why would he lie to you?"

"Mary, you know he is lying. He was not in his office nor was he at his apartment. Then what the hell was he busy with?" The sorrow had taken a form of anger in Jessica's heart.

"Okay. Let us not discuss it at this moment. You better hurry up or you will be late to go the boutique!" Mary got up from the bed and started walking towards the door.

"Mary... Does he really love me?" For the first time since her relationship with Daniel started, she felt the need for reassurance.

"Of course he does. More than anyone in this world. Trust me. Give him some time." Mary walked to the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

"See ya in the evening. Will be staying late in the office today. Have some deadlines to meet. You go home and take rest. Jack will drop me home," Mary took out the keys from her bag, "Here, take the keys. You forgot them on the dinning table. Take care Jessica."

"Bye. You too take care. See you." Jessica drove to the boutique.

Even with all the pending works and the meetings she was attending, Jessica's mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Daniel.

Why is he doing this? Maybe he is in deep trouble. Or maybe he was really busy! "Ma'am, you have a visitor." Jessica's thoughts were interrupted by Clara, the receptionist at the boutique.

"Hello! I am Jessica. How can I help you?" Jessica wasn't able to see the face of the visitor as it was hidden by the newspaper he was reading.

"Hello Jessica, I am Ryan." The visitor got up and started walking towards Jessica.

"Hello Ryan. Have we met before? I have a poor memory." Jessica was trying to recollect who this stranger was.

"You don't know me Jessica. But I know you. Here, take this." Ryan handed her a box and before she could react, he disappeared.

Who will send a letter to me? Jessica was murmuring to herself while unwrapping the box.

The box was made of wood and was wrapped in a piece of newspaper. There was a piece of paper in the box folded in a red cloth.

"This is a piece of the scarf that I gave to Dan!" She surely was shocked to see the piece of the scarf.

Daniel loved the scarf and he had kept it with him as a souvenir of their trip to Paris. Daniel had gifted her the scarf and kept a piece of it with himself, just to remind him of the lovely time they had in the beautiful city.

"How did it come into this box?" Jessica knew something somewhere was wrong.

She gathered courage to take out the piece of paper. It was a letter!

A letter from Daniel!
PART 5 Everything seems to come to a standstill when you are not around.

Jessica was gathering courage to read the letter. She was not able to think about anything but Daniel.

"Do you have more colors in this?" A young lady asked Jessica showing a yellow dress and interrupting her thoughts.

"Ah... Yes.... We do. Just a second, I will call someone to get it for you." Jessica asked one of the salesgirl to help the lady. "She will help you Ma'am in finding colors."

"I am leaving for the day. Give me a call in case of any emergency." Jessica placed the letter and the scarf back in the box and drove off.

Strangely, she didn't drive back home, instead she was headed to the nearby park. The park was centrally located in the neighborhood. Jessica used to only visit the park whenever she was upset or confused. It was usually closed when it snowed. However, as it had not snowed since a couple of days, lucky for her, it was open.

Being a Sunday, the park was full of kids of all ages. They were merrily running around, enjoying their holiday to the fullest. Jessica was finding it difficult to find a quiet place where she could read the letter.

Jessica knew every corner of the park and a huge tree was her favorite place in the entire park. The view in this side of the park was amazing. The lake was just opposite to the tree. Quiet, still water added to the much-needed peace that Jessica wished for. Except for a few grown-up kids, no one generally came to this part of the park.

She opened her bag and took out the box. She noticed something strange. The box had JD inscribed on it. It took her no time to decode the alphabets - it meant Jessica Daniel. She didn't understand the presence of the letters on that box. But they were surely making her more curious.

She took out the letter and with all the courage she could gather, opened it to read. The paper used for the letter looked like the one taken from a diary - an official diary. Ignoring it, she started to read the letter.

Dear Jess,

Hope you are doing good. First of all, I am sorry for not being able to make it to the restaurant Friday night. I am extremely sorry. I wanted to come but had some urgency to attend. I wrote this letter to inform you that I am going out of town for few days. Don't ask me how many days! I don't have an answer for that. I won't be reachable on my cell either. So please don't try calling me, else you will be disappointed. I am unable to reveal anything right now - the place, the purpose. Nothing. But trust me Jess, if it wouldn't have been dead important, I wouldn't have left you like this. Trust me honey. I will be back soon. Please wait for me. Do take care of yourself when I'm not around. Please Jess... This is the first and the last time, something like this will happen... I promise.

I LOVE YOU JESS... TRUST ME. I REALLY DO. I WILL BE BACK SOON.

Love,
Dan

It seemed as if the world had frozen. Jessica didn't even realize when the letter fell down on the wet grass. It had started to snow. Everyone was running for shelter.

"Hey lady.... you wanna get sick? Run... fast. Find a shelter for yourself. It is snowing heavily!" A passerby shouted at Jessica.

But his words fell on deaf ears. She hadn't heard any of it. The only words she could hear was "I LOVE YOU JESS... TRUST ME. I REALLY DO. I WILL BE BACK SOON."

She just sat down... emotionless. She wanted to cry, but was too shocked to do so. She wanted to scream. Wanted to run and hold Daniel in her arms and never let him go.

Instead she was there... still... motionless.... The silence was killing her. She took out the phone to call Daniel, but all her efforts were in vain. The pain was unbearable. There was a time when they used to meet everyday. And now, he was gone and she didn't know for how long! She didn't even know if he would come back.

The letter was drenched in snow. She was drenched in snow. Still she didn't feel the cold. Tears were almost frozen... she kept staring at the lake. The silence in the park was constantly reminding her of the silence in her heart.

"Ma'am... Ma'am... We are about to close the park. You need to leave. Ma'am...." Even the security guard's efforts were in vain. None of her senses were working.

"Ma'am...", he shouted loudly and started shaking Jessica. It was then that she realized where she was! "Ma'am, you need to leave. The park is about to be closed!"

"Ah... Yes... Yes... I am leaving... I am leaving," she got up and started walking.

"Ma'am, your bag...," he came running from behind with her bag in his hand.

"Oh... yes... Thank you." She started walking out of the park.

She completely forgot that she had parked her car in the parking lot and she kept walking. Clueless where she was heading to!

"Jessica....Jessica....Wake up. Please dear... wake up," Jessica could feel water splashes on her face.

"Jessica.... It's me, Mary... wake up!"

"Mary... Is that you? Where am I? How come you are here?" Jessica could hardly see anything. Her eyes were full of tears.

"Yes dear, it's me. I found you laying unconscious on the road! My boss and I were returning home, when we saw a group of people shouting. When I got down the car. It was you! We brought you home.... What's wrong with you? What have you done to yourself?"

"Mary.... He's gone... Mary. He's gone." Jessica hugged Mary and started crying uncontrollably.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Falling in Love Again - PART 3


THIS IS FALLING IN LOVE AGAIN -> PART 1 and 2



Jessica's anxiety was at its peak... and Daniel didn't seem to be bothered.


"I was just busy honey," Daniel had finally made an effort to call Jessica.

"Busy? Is that all you have to say?" Jessica was really furious with the answer. "I was searching for you like a fool! I went to your apartment and then to your office. But you were not there."

"What? You went to my apartment?" Daniel said interrupting Jessica. "What's wrong with you? Are you spying on me or what?"

"Spying? Dan what's happened to you?" Jessica was on the verge of crying. "I was so worried for you. I waited for you for almost an hour at the restaurant but when you didn't come, I decided to check if you were unwell. And when I didn't find you at the office as well, I was scared."

"Jess... Honey, don't cry. I am really sorry. I know, I should have acted maturely and at least should have messaged you, but my phone was dead. And when I switched it on again, I saw your calls and messages. That's the reason, I messaged you at night."

"But you should have had the courtesy to at least call me back. Instead you just messaged me!" Jessica wasn't convinced with the excuse Daniel was giving her.

"It was almost half past one when I messaged you. I thought you would be sleeping. That's why I thought of just messaging you."

"What on earth made you think that I would have slept? I was not able to even lie down on my bed! Leave alone falling asleep." Jessica was annoyed with the way Daniel was replying.

"I didn't mean to hurt you by saying that. It's just that I didn't want to disturb you. That's the only reason Jess."

"Dan, you seem to love me no more! This was the first time we didn't see each other for more than 10 days. And when we were about to meet, you didn't turn up! And now are giving me strange excuses of you being busy? Busy doing what? Are you double timing?" Jessica had lost it by now.

"Jessica..." Daniel never called her by her full name, except when he was really furious. "Do you even understand what are you saying? You are accusing me of double timing only because I didn't turn up to have dinner with you? Have you lost it?" Eventually Daniel also lost his cool.

"Don't shout at me Daniel. It's your mistake and you are asking me to understand your sudden absence? I am not interested in talking to you." Before Daniel could reply, Jessica disconnected the call and later switched off her cell.

Jessica was unable to figure out the reason behind the sudden disappearance of Daniel. In her heart, she knew there was something that Daniel was hiding from her.

But she was not in a state of mind to call him and listen to his excuses again. It was the first time in their relationship of two years that something like this had happened. And it seemed to Jessica as if Daniel was not bothered about her feelings.

Daniel made an effort calling Mary. But Jessica didn't allow Mary to answer the call.

Why is he acting so weirdly? Doesn't he love me anymore? May be he is bugged with me? All such thoughts were filling Jessica's mind, when her phone beeped again.

I Love You Jess. I cannot think of anyone but you! Trust me. For the first time though, these seemed like just words to Jessica, as she cried herself to sleep.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Beauty Parlor For the Soul - Prayer

Creams and lotions are freely available to enhance skin deep beauty. But, what about that which makes us human...above all other creatures? The astringent called prayer helps to keep the blackheads of negation away...



Watching the beads of the rosary turn, with eyes covering all and sundry, makes the whole rigmarole of prayer seem so hypocritical. Is this prayer? Chanting something you have memorized over the years and thinking about what you are going to wear to work, the breakfast, the outcome of yesterday's test....God! It is so important to first and foremost understand what prayer really is? If you are a believer in a higher power, call it what you like, then prayer is communication with that force. If you are a non-believer, then prayer surfaces in the form of that 'inner voice' that you communicate with, to reason and to understand the nuances of life. This way or that, called 'prayer' or not, it is an inseparable part of your life. 

But, is it necessary? Let's see. From a neutral perspective. If you are a believer and feel a sense of accountability to a god with or without form, then praying or communicating with that higher form gives you a sense of deliverance. Here is a space that you can explore... you can beg and not be heard, confess and feel lighter and scorn and seek instant forgiveness. It is your space, with your 'personal god'. A picture, a sign, a sound, a scent, a place...just about anything helps to evoke that special feeling. Suddenly, the sense of belonging and surrendering all your troubles to god makes you feel protected and blessed.

However, if you are a non-believer, and there is nothing wrong with that, then introspection becomes a private conversation. You would ideally, in this case, be one empowered by reasoning and action. So what. If there is no god that you believe in, there is that power of reasoning that you bargain with, pacify, ignore and even feel soothed in the presence of. In this case, a situation, an action, people, your work and even your bank balance, all empower you with a sense of belonging and passion for life. 

This way or that, the communication is essential. We have developed this funny rule that every conversation must have a speaker and a listener. If either one is missing then poor John needs help! What nonsense! It is for this very reason that prayer, to a god or any personal commune, is silent. The worry about what others will think! But there is no denying that communication of some sort, in the presence of an image or at the bank, is necessary. It helps ease the tension and stress of everyday life and you feel good after having 'spoken'. You may have spoken and listened to yourself, but you did what was necessary...reduced the baggage. 

The disciple detested the way the master and the other boys at the hermitage prayed. Such hypocrites. Sitting there under the sandalwood tree, chanting away to glory and then hours at a stretch with eyes closed and praying. God knows for what! Did they even mean or know the meaning of any of the scripture they read everyday? Discourse after discourse. He could swear some of them slept as they meditated! He was so sure that even the master chanted and read out of habit. So sad! Poor man. No way was he going the same way. He was going to do what no one had dared to do before...he would confront the master and make him see sense. 

That evening, as the master and disciples took their places in the clearing under the mighty sandalwood tree, the boy stood up. The master looked in his direction lovingly and inquired. Was he alright? Was something bothering him? "Do you even sink in the meaning of the holy text you read every day? You chant out of repetition, instead shouldn't you be asking us to do as we wish and allow us to see sense in the routine, through example?". The master smiled. He called the boy closer and gave him an old wicker basket lying close by. "Fetch me some water, my son, from the river. I have an answer, but must quench my thirst first". Obedience was one thing that master and student believed in, at the hermitage. The boy proceeded through the thicket to fetch water in the wicker basket! He stooped low at the bank and took one quick scoop. He attempted to run as fast as he could to the master, since the water was surely going to leak through the loose pattern. 

He went a few steps and all the water had drained through. Good God! He ran back to the river and took another quick scoop only to be defeated again. This went on for some time and then defeated and puffing, the boy returned to the hermitage. The master smiled and it seemed almost like a snigger. What was he smiling about? Was he on a proving spree..who was wiser than whom? When the master inquired about the water, the disciple explained how ridiculous it was to ask him to bring water in the wicker basket. The master then spoke. "Was it not ridiculous of you to agree to the task" Anyway, let's look at what there is? What do you see?" "Only a cleaner basket with repeated washing!" Precisely. 

We tend to blame certain habits on tradition and conditioning. But instead of looking at what is lost, try to focus on what is there. You may have been compelled to indulge in morning and bed time prayers by your parents. But as you grow, you have the choice to either discard the habit or continue in the same way. Nevertheless, with or without a god, there is a cleansing. If you are the devotional kind, then the cleansing happens in the form of a lighter head, a happy, giddy feel and a song of thankfulness on the lips, whenever you chant. If you are the reasoning kind, then the cleansing happens in the form of empowered decision-making and greater vision, every time you analyze your life. Either way, the paradigm shift happens. Everyday or when and as required, but a million times in a single lifetime! 

"Only a cleaner basket with repeated washing!"

In our case, it is not 'only a cleaner basket', but a 'clearer head' and 'awareness'. Prayer can either be impromptu or memorized. So what if something dictated and written has the power to stir an emotion that otherwise gets lost in the monotony of a robotic existence. Prayer is essential. It is a communication that helps in the absence of friends, soothes in difficult situations and eases an anxious heart. It hardly matters whether the communication is one way or directed between a listener and a speaker. It is the communication that matters...for much-needed tranquility and peace.

If you want to get rid of those nagging black and white heads that get embedded and cause a facial to be virtual torture, then use the astringent called prayer.